Pornography: Stairway to Heaven or Highway to hell?

Her-O

Her-O

Dear unnamed Men! A sincere thank you for sharing your intimate confession with us. We appreciate your courage to share your experience with us and write it down without embellishments.

Following letter was anonymously send to our email. 

"For me, women have become an object I penetrate in order to feel pleasure in the genital area. That’s all, no intimacy, tenderness, touch and love. How could I know that there exist a gentle touch of affection if I have learned that pleasure can only be sex as presented in porn films."

Catalogs of pleasure

For the first time in my life, I came across sexually arousing content at an early age. I think it was before I started attending elementary school. I remember my parents purchasing a huge clothes catalog every summer to order things from Austria. A few pages of this catalog were also devoted to underwear. Among them, there were always a few where the girls in the photos showed their breasts.

"I remember my parents purchasing a huge clothes catalog every summer to order things from Austria."

This is where it all started, these images of breasts aroused me and my hands soon found their way into my panties and started exploring. This was followed by pleasant sensations that invited me to touch my penis frequently. At first it was only a few times a month to the point where I masturbated every day.

A real interest in naked bodies and sexuality developed a little later but still in the early years, maybe at the age of ten. My cousin was spending the holidays at my family’s place and so we had all the time in the world to do whatever we wanted. In the evening, due to access to various German TV channels, we were able to watch programs that showed so-called soft porn content. And my cousin persuaded me to masturbate and also showed me how exactly I should do it. Of course I also wanted to master this thing as well as he did, so I started training hard whenever I could watch TV without being caught by my parents.

I had the good fortune or misfortune that my parents bought a computer and internet access very early on, even when this technological story was very much in its infancy compared to today’s possibilities. Computer + internet + teenager = pornography. This was my daily formula that lasted for about 13 years.

"Computer + internet + teenager = pornography."

I didn’t tell anyone about my doing, I didn’t talk to anyone about it, it had to be kept a secret. We didn’t have a completely mysterious attitude towards sexuality at home but we never really talked openly about this topic, so the main source of information for me was porn.

Somewhere in the sixth grade of elementary school, interest in girls increased even more. For the first time I wanted to invite a girl on a date. And at the time, my only teachers on how to do it were pornography and romantic comedies.

"What drives me to masturbate?"

I persistently masturbated throughout high school, faculty, and even later when important information reached me and enlightened me about my intimate relationship to my own body in a profound way.

I realized that what we observe, listen to, watch and absorb strongly determines what goes around in our heads.

I became attentive to my own thoughts and quickly noticed that more than half of these were coloured by sexual fantasies. It didn’t take me long to decipher where they came from, from porn of course. This became even clearer to me when I began to realize that I don’t actually sleep really deeply all night long because my body and mind are processing a variety of scenes and content from porn I watched before I fell asleep.

My routine was such that I masturbated just before I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

The more I became aware of what was going on in my head, the more I realized that doing so creates a tremendous amount of restlessness, nervousness, and uncontrollable passion.

"My routine was such that I masturbated just before I closed my eyes and fell asleep."

 I read that with every ejaculation, a large amount of life energy goes from our body. Many top athletes are prohibited from having sex and masturbating before competitions precisely because of this. I wanted to check if this was really the case and tried to put masturbation aside for a few days. It quickly became clear to me that I was deeply addicted. When the evening came all my attention went to thinking about opening my laptop to watch various porn sites and start masturbating. I think that the intention not to masturbate made my mind want it even more.

"... women from porn have become only an object which arouses my penis..."

My perception of women was also affected by this. All the naked girls and women from porn, the number of which have certainly reached up to thousands over the years, have become for me only an object which arouses my penis so that I can touch it with my hand and at the same time imagine in my mind how I penetrate in the woman I see.

For me, women have become an object I penetrate in order to feel pleasure in the genital area. That’s all, no intimacy, tenderness, touch and love. How could I know that there exist a gentle touch of affection if I have learned that pleasure can only be sex as presented in porn films.

The more you come in contact with your body, the less you can enjoy purely mechanical masturbation

I am very grateful to be able to speak now about this matter as something that is part of my past.

In my life’s journey, I have met individuals who have brought me closer to ways of expressing love that do not only stem from the need to fullfill accumulated fantasies. It took me about a year to gather enough willpower to stop masturbating. It certainly helped that I was already tired of it.

The more I came in contact with my body and its tenderness, the less I was able to enjoy rubbing my penis. A friend advised me to just lie on the floor and observe with my attention all the feelings in my body and the thoughts parallel to it. I did this mostly when my sexual desire intensified to an extent that I was on the verge of masturbation. I was watching the sensations and my body started to relax deeply. Then something unimaginable happened, I experienced a whole body orgasm without touching anything. What emerged from this experiment is a great practice of relaxation and I believe that all the sexual energy that has accumulated somewhere in me over the years through observation and relaxation spills over my entire body and nourishes me with freshness and strength.

It is a fact that I feel so much better since I don’t masturbate anymore. I have a lot more willpower to persevere in the work and things I want to do. I’m not that tired and I don’t look at women as walking vaginas anymore.

Is masturbation categorically bad?

What I have written, however, does not mean that I believe that masturbation in general is a bad thing.

I believe that intimate exploration of one’s own body, as a form of loving oneself, can be a very fulfilling form of masturbation. It’s mostly about not being in our minds and our heads in the meantime, but really present in the feelings we’re experiencing.

Not to look for instant solutions to sexual frustrations but to delve into our feelings. We should explore where they come from and what pleases, deepens, boils or encourages them.

To understand pornography and what levers it works on, and what role actors and actresses play in it. So depends on our perception what mastrurbation is:

Stairway to Heaven or Highway to Hell!

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